Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
