I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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