i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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