So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
soo... how was my night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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