Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
