Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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