Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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