she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
