It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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