if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it glows. i had to have it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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