sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
