Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
