before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
