she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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