I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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