That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
