ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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