If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
