he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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