The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
