someone get that fucking seahorse.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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