Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
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