I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
