For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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