I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
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My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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