My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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