You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
