Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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