I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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