We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
