It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
