C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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