Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
