Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize