i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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