you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
