First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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