I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
