I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
