Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
