I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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