yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
