She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
