i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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