Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
