I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So squirting runs in the family.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
