you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
