Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
