hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"it" just moved
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am puke
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
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