I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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