Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
