I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
