you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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