I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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