I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
