My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
