I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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