i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
