wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
