you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
