My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.