I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.