Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween