After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless