I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae