I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.