first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
