Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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