I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
