Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
