I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
