I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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