Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
