I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
