It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
