Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
