Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
