I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
