Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
