I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
