he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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