The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
