i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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