Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
