It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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