my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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